I’m willing to do what needs to be done
Now that’s hard for a person who has been betrayed to hear. And a lot of times they can’t even do that because they have to sit back and lick their wounds, so if someone is really in a state or trauma, unsure of whether they want to stay or go, or if they’re in the first few months of recovery, it may not make sense.
The intent here is to move toward the unfaithful spouse lovingly and honestly and not in an attempt to change them, not to convince them to change their mind, but just out of a sense of strength to say, “I want our marriage. I’m willing to invest in this. There are things I need from you, and I invite you to the process.” And let them make that choice without feeling the pressure of it.
I can tell you from experience that Linda eventually got to the point where she was able to approach me in this fashion and it worked.
Now I realize that once an affair is discovered, both partners can become somewhat out of control and there will be an incredible amount of intense emotion going on. What’s going to happen is going to happen. But as they settle down from that and start to wonder, “What do we do now?” It can be beneficial if the betrayed spouse can try to control the way they regulate the questions.
When it’s just a constant barrage of questions and questions and questions, it tires the cheater out, it tires everybody out. Thus, it can be a helpful thing if they can come to a point when they are more intentional and specific about how much they ask and when they ask it. Continue reading „I felt the hostility fade away and a safe environment for honest, open communication enter our relationship“